The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
