The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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