it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
