Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
