I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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