I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
