he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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