You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
