Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
