my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she told me i tasted like america
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
