I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
