The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
