honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
