Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
