I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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