matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
