I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
