Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
