i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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