I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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