I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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