I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I cut my penus on the lid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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