Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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