I murdered the dance floor call the cops
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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