On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What happened to fro yo and sex?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
