Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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