Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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