4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
