My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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