Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
