Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
