The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
