he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
