Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
