remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
