my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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