your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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