everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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