Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
