It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
