Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
