dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My vagina is officially offended.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
