My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
