I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
