it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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