How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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