Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
