I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
