just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
