We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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