SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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